Celebrate The Small Stuff

Just an update on how the weight loss is going, since we are entering the holidays.

I hit -35lbs this week. I know I have a few more to go, you know I have a few more to go, so I am not gonna make the amount lost the big thing to celebrate, I will save the big celebration for when I hit the healthy number that gets me off of the high risk for cancer list.

Something else I know is that I have to grant myself little celebrations along the way, I think everyone needs hugs, and "attaboy"s, pats on the back and "you go girl"s. I think I may have gotten a bit addicted to all those cheers, well, because they kept me alive. Let me explain:

During my first battle the diagnosis was the most grim. The chemo was the most grueling, and my support system was the most afraid. In January of 2001, the protocol of care for stage 3b Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC) was chemo, followed by a mastectomy, followed by more chemo, and finally radiation. After my mastectomy there was a break in treatment to allow my body to recover before assaulting it again with the chemo. At that time my hair was begining to grow back. It had been 4 months since my last chemo and my hair was growing. I began thinking about losing it all again. I started to consider quitting. About just letting my Faith stand - about believing that I was cancer free - and get back to life. It was at that point a therapist clarified to me what I had told him in the begining of treatment "I want my kids to see me fight-win or lose". It reminded me that the well spoken "cheer" at the just the right moment can keep you going when stopping could have epic consequences.

During the second battle the shock of a reoccurence and the probability of my demise, brought out the best of the cheerleaders. Oh my goodness, the staff at the cancer center was so attentive and caring. The gentleness of those serving me was beautiful. After every surgery getting a card from the staff wishing me healthy recovery and half joking that they hoped they would never see me as a patient again. I had awesome cheerleaders. Which is not to take away from the power of prayer - God was the best cheerleader of all.

So now I face this old battle, and when you are 3x-4x it takes alot of pounds lost in order for the loss to show. I have seen changes. But I am looking for them. In fact even if the scale hasnt changed I see changes possibly just because I have a good outlook one day. The fact may be that the only thing changed was my outlook that day. I can psych myself out sometimes with that kinda stuff. Escpecially if no one else notices.

Anyway, back to celebrating the little things. As I said before I hit the -35lbs mark this week. So what? Well do you know what last thursday was? The biggest day of the year for us overeaters. WE BLEND! Yesiree Bob! We can eat and eat and keep up with all y'all! And even tho' we might still eat more than you but,  it goes without the same humiliation as the other big get togethers - because "everyone is endulging". But, this year, this year I had a plan. I have no certain types of food that are off limits, but I do have choices: good choices & bad choices. Yes, we had enough food for an army and I had seconds of some of it - and it was delicious! Thanks Mom and Carol!

One cheerleader shared with me and other FB friends that thanksgiving was a day NOT a season, and although we eat to celebrate God's blessing us and give thanks, it is just one day. That simple cheer, and my new found dislike for the feeling of being FULL, allowed me to lose weight over the week that includes the biggest feast of the year. GO, GO GERI! GO GO, GO GERI! (sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader)

I started this blog Oct 30, so even tho' I blogged yesterday I felt I should post the update on the weight loss.

Just a few more days until my surgery so we'll see how that goes....I told my plastic surgeon that if he wanted to use me to teach interns how to do liposuction it was OK by me, and that I also have a mole above my lip...you know, since I'll be asleep anyway...

He has been so great to deal with my sense of humor. Seriously, some of the stuff that I say at his office surprises me. Some of it could probably get me put into a straight jacket. But at any rate Dr. Gabriel has been a real sport - I suppose doctors need a cheerleader now and then too. And laughter is the best cheer!

Thanks for reading, Geri

Decorate The Cross

I am weird.

SURPRISE!

I tend to think of the cross at christmas time, and at Easter think of the manger. No rule against it. The bible says , "HE IS BORN", "HE IS CRUCIFIED" and "HE IS RISEN". So as long as you know what the definition of "is" is, you should be okay with my weirdness on this subject.

I think it might be because I tend to look at my children this way. I held my son in my arms and cried thinking he might one day be a soldier, and my daughter nearly died at birth (cord around her neck twice, no pulse, no breathing, CPR) after that trauma I enjoyed sleeping when she slept; waking when she woke; but cried knowing that she was my last baby, when she grew up I would be retired as a mom. So every first was also a last.

Now I see them both doing grown up things and picture them as children. I remember the principles office after a poor choice, a parents phone call after a thrown rock.

When they have the same job for a year ( I am so proud of you punkin') - but lose a good friend, I remember the playground where children have several best friends in a year, but in high school and beyond, as a parent you get attached to these friends, they call you "mom", then they are gone. I go back to the playground, once again.

When they get married and learn to be a part of another family...then experience domestic violence and stand up to it even when the charges get dropped and it looks like the bad guys win ( I am so proud of you Judah and Brittney). I go back to the little league coach with the temper, I go back to the High School Football days of using binoculars to see if his face would tell me how bad that last hit hurt. But He's a man, walking in a man's shoes. It's not the principles office its the bosses office asking for a raise; or the lawyers office wondering if the @#$#*3 that hit his wife is gonna get what he deserves. That's when I think of the playoff game where we won the game but he was hurt by some jerk kid who twisted his leg after the tackle. (I'm over it) The team went on to win a few more games but the last game of your senior year is always either a state championship, or a loss...and young men cry either way(Especially, if you think you might have been able to help your team if some jerk kid hadn't...but wait, seriously, I am over it).

Mary, the mother of Jesus, saw a baby in a manger, and a man crucified. Did she wonder in the manger would he be tortured in his life? Jews have always been at the mercy of the society around them with only their faith to strengthen and guide them - her pregnancy was different - would her son be also? Did she stand at the cross and remember the manger - how the star shone bright but how dark the skies are now? How she nurtured GOD at her breast, but how his thirst is mocked with a vinegar filled sponge today?

Yup, I am weird. 

The Bucket (is half full) List

I am thankful for the roof above me, the floor below, the walls that surround me and every window.
I am thankful for each day beyond my dreams added to my life, or at least it seems.
I am thankful for the goals I have set and reached, and for failures that never fail to teach.
I am thankful for friends who read the newspaper and post on facebook when America is in danger.
I am thankful for jokes, and funny movies and laughter, for photos of childhood before during and after.
I am thankful for my brothers and sisters, both near and far away. For their spouses and children and for however they spend this day.
I am thankful for a mind that trusts the heart, and for a heart that is willing to learn.
I am thankful for a fireplace, love the sound and the warmth, for matches and paper and wood to burn.
I am thankful for the love of a hardworking man and for the name he gave me - and all of his family. A passle of brothers that I hardly see, are supplemented by Travis and Uncle Damey. (the kids always called him Damey but his name is Damon)
I am thankful to God for forgiveness and grace, that when i fail He hides not His face.
I am glad for the spring I am Glad for the summer, I am thankful for Fall, but sometimes Winter's a bummer. I really enjoy the look of the snow, and thank God for saftey for those who must travel, the postman, the UPS man, and the driver of the school bus - blessing them and keeping them who do it all for us.
I miss certain people who've gone to heaven already. I want to be there too whenever God is ready. I know you are there, it's all gonna be great - someday, God  willing.
Feeling thankful, feeling comfortable looking forward to eating, and a special to thanks to all who are reading!
Thanks for listening.

Stuffed or Full? Starving or hungry?

Novemeber 20, 2011 I exaggerate. I can lie like nobody's business, too. Atleast, I did before I made a decision to follow Jesus. And even then it took awhile to weed through the lies that had become woven into the fabric of my life. Sometimes someone would ask about something and I would have to explain that I had lied. And because lies are so much harder to remember than the truth, it often takes an event like that for me to remember and then make sure I have confessed to them. I am willing to guess that I havent cleared them all up yet. I know My Classmates are aware of many of my lies, so I have planned to say at one of our future reunions, "I know you know I was a liar in school so I thought I would clear those all up in the interest witnessing to the power of Jesus to change my life" I would then remove a list that would go to the floor. " I think it might be easier to confirm those things which were the truth.....My name was indeed Geri Gilstrap, and .....I was born in Texas". I once told my mom upon returning from a Billy Graham crusade at the Kingdome, that there were so many converts that they ran out of volunteer counselors, ergo my counselor was none other than BG himself. Did she believe me? I don't know for sure...but she had me share the event with the church. I look back now and think she might have thought I would be too embarassed, then admit it was a lie before I got up in front of the whole church...nope. I stood at the pulpit and told the same stinking lie to all the sweet little christians looking up at me. Did they believe me? I don't know. But if they did they shouldn't have. And if they didn't wow, what a fool I was. Actually that fool thing..pretty much true whether they believed me or not. Exaggeration is another thing. Oh I suppose it fits into a sub category of lieing, but when I do it, I just dont feel like it is the same. Some people would disagree and then if they confronted me I would have to say, "you are probably right, it is lieing". But is it more like 'making yourself BIG' to scare a bear off? or even putting emphasis on a word in order for a joke to be more funny? I think that's my favorite one. Emphasis. Whether it is the same thing or not, it can offend people. Exaggeration when you are relaying someone's shortcomings, failures or character flaws can be HILARIOUS. However, the laughter is paid for at their cost - and the price is steals from your integrity. Even when misleading someone to believe a certain thing in order to preserve their feelings - the truth will come out and then you can either admit to lieing(reccomended), or use emphasis to put a spin on it to preserve your integrity(doesn't work). For instance, using the words 'always' and 'never' are ALWAYS WRONG & NEVER RIGHT. So in an attempt to salvage your integrity after the use of those words, you resort to emphasis on percentages saying 75% or more is pretty close to always (nope), and that 3 times in 30yrs is close to never (wrong again). But you know what? If I say "The Hubby puts the seat down 25% of the time, and the other 75% of the time I fall in 50% of those times"....well you can see that doesn't have the comedic rhythm of the traditional epic toilet seat war stories which include exaggerted tales of freezing body parts which once frozen fall off, and of course near drownings. I want to tell the truth and nothing but the truth but it is so much more fun to exaggerate. So how does this pertain to my health, my walk with God, my weight loss journey and my marriage? Honesty is not the enemy of exageration 100% of the time. Grandparents know this. Children have been succesfully persuaded NOT to swallow watermelon seeds for only God knows how long, simply because someone said a watermelon would grow in their stomach if they did. Fisherman have known about and used exageration for years, sports fanatics have used emphasis to win arguments in bars since the first time the amount of time it took to build Rome came into question. And of course how long it took Rome to burn since so much of it was stone. There will always be the people who look at "truth' or factual findings, etc as the basis for all conversation, then there are those who know that sometimes facts are not consistently what motivates dreams to come true, battles to be won and last but not least, fun to be had! Which brings me to the scale in my bathroom. I know that it is off. I know that the number it says I weigh is not what the number the scale at the Doctors office will say I weigh. What I do know is that the distance between what the doctors scale said in March and what the Doctorrs scales says in November is 34lbs. Just like on my scale the difference between March and November is 34lbs. I also know that I am in the "twos" now on both those scales. I started in the "threes" on both those scales. My "emphasis" is on the successful loss of 34lbs, not on the factual numbers of the Doctors scale. I can not go to the Doctors office each time I weigh, and I do not exagerate the 34lbs by rounding up to 35, I want that victory to be real when I reach it. And to my marriage, I love my husband. There are times when I am very much in love with him. So much that it can make me cry when I miss him, or when he says something sweet and unexpected. Then there are times.....I just....wouldnt know where to hide the body...and I hate taking the garbage out. Yup, not wanting to take out the garbage has kept us together for 29years. But don't think you know me completely, I have taken it out myself. Taking out the garbage instead of him is the female equivelent of HIM bringing me flowers for no reason. You might want to write that down, girls. My walk with God. Hmmm. I have praised him for things that can be explained by natural means, I know that somewhere in my pathology file there is a document that has the words "divine intervention" scribbled on it. I know that at the worse of the two diagnoses God used a movie to confirm that He had changed the outcome of that diagnosis even tho the cancer didnt completely dissapear - making my claims of being healed an exaggeration. I know that many people thought I would not have had cancer the second time had God truly healed me the first time. Well, All I know is I am still here. I lived. So if I wasn't healed......and I lived.....WOW isn't that a miracle too? So onto the next miracle in my life...to have a pastor again. I love him. I have had such suspicion for pastors for years. And I will use facts here, some of my mistrust was attributed to some based on the failures of a few. That is a form of exaggeration...you hear things that sound familiar and build, exagerate, a back story that supports your suspicions. (A mind that can exaggerate well, will exaggerate often). I have had years of only Jesus to fill that pastor role and even now My need for a pastor is filled by Jesus, but I know God wants us to have pastors and fellowship because loners get weird. I do not take everything my Pastor says as perfect and without flaw, the grace of God in his life, and mine, covers the places where there are holes in both our finite minds. But I would rather live having something God calls me to have, and struggle with it, than to live in fear and suspicion without it. Ultimately, what I am saying is I choose to exaggerate grace based on my understanding -and that understanding is: that I do not and can not fully comprehend it's factual extent. Thanks for listening, Geri

Movie Night

One reason I love music is most songs seem to be the soundtrack for the movie of my life. I have been on walks and heard Tara's theme in my head. Why? Because I swore I would never be hungry again. Did I bow to the ground and dig up a turnip? No. Did I flirt with the stranger next to me on the trail because they had a hamburger, just hoping they would offer to share their fries? No. You are getting the Gone With the Wind references right? Because I think I may be straying from the obvious ones. For instance I can't think of Scarlet without thinking about how she would compartmentalize her problems and decide to "think about that tomorrow". Her ability to compartmentalize may be the only thing I liked about Scarlett. She and I would not have been friends. We might have been sisters, but NOT friends. Although, I may have pretended to be her friend so I could borrow that green dress, not the drapery one as impressive as it was, but the BBQ one. (And right or wrong I would have fallen for Rhett that very day and never given Ashley another thought.)
Movie friends are often flawed. Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fischer in When Harry Met Sally - I loved these guys! There is a line from Neil Diamond's I am I said that says,"....except for the names and a few other changes (my) the story's the same one". My husband and I had crossed paths from before we were born to Junior college. My Grandfather was his mother's boss. Later at the ripe old age of 9 or 10 Grandad took me fishing and we stopped by his former employees' home to say hi. She was married with three boys by that time. When we left the visit, two hansome young boys appeared riding mini bikes, and my Grandad elbowed me and asked,"Do ya think one of them would make a good husband?". Yup. Actually personally, I can only vouch for one, but my sister in law seems to think they both make good husbands.
But even tho' our story covers pre birth, my brothers little league team, our best friends being brother and sister, going to some of the same parties in high school, we were much younger than Harry and Sally when we finally heard Harry Connick Jr, singing "it had to be you". Epic, yes, spanning decades, yes, except for the names and a few other changes well the story's the same one. NOT!
One of the strangest parts of our Epic story is underscored with ZZ TOP's Tush. I mentioned our best friends were brother and sister. In fact we both spent time in their home over the years but were never there at the same time and my best friend was so tall she appeared much older than she was.... and well I had never heard of ZZ Top let alone "Tush",But that was her favorite record to listen to while I was at her house. Over time we, hubby and I, both feel God's hand was on us keeping us apart during those years.
About 18 months into our marriage I stayed in the states when Roland went on a mission trip for a month to Mexico. I remember being haunted by the idea that our life would end in tragedy like a kidnapping demanding a ransom we could not pay, or he might get bitten by a poisinous spider( actually he almost did while painting the church), so on and so on. I think I planned a different funeral every night for a month. I cant live if living is without you. "We had it all - Just like Bogey and Becall (Key Largo)". Then I would plan a more spiritual send off with Peace in the Valley or  His eye is on the sparrow. Then I would think of surprising everyone with my great faith and choose only Happy uplifting songs - Jesus loves me, a funny little tune from the Agapeland children's records, Heaven is a wonderful Place, and even Oh you cant get to heaven ....in rolands car. Ahh good times. You haven't really been married until you plan a funeral when they are late for dinner atleast once. I was in my early twenties then, no children. So as in any good 'mind movie' the story line was all about ME.
Of course, we had no idea then we would face the fertility problems, financial problems, substance abuse, spiritual doubt, and one day misscarriage, depression, and cancer. We were Happy Together most of the time. Poor as church mice but I dont think we really knew it. (poor as church mice....makes it sound like we lived on communion crackers and grape juice left in the cupboards of the fellowship hall - dont be ridiculous-we had veg-all and top ramen) Why hasn't anyone written a country song about top ramen? "I know I'm in trouble......when I hear that ramen bubble.....there'll be no steak, no potatoes, no candle light tonight...No smilin, no cuddlin, wondering with each bite....what did I do this time?" Ok I guess I know why some songs are never written.
The mystery of eating to excess sometimes gets blamed on prosperity. We've all been told that some cultures in the past found beauty in the heavy set woman or man because it made the man look wealthy - how else would he or his wife gain such girth, but through the abundance of his provision. Well, that country song, it's all right to be little bitty.. comes to mind. Why do you climb a mountain? Because it's there - same reason you eat the whole cake.
Sometimes it gets blamed on being poor. We used powdered milk, peanut butter, butter, rice (I had no idea how to cook rice), and government cheese, Yah baby, government cheese. Cheese added to the afore mentioned veg-all and top ramen . . . we were livin'. So basically we were eating carbs and cheese, with sodium infused over processed mushy vegetables. The comcept is and seems to be correct that eating healthy is expensive.  Hey "we kept doing our best and prayed that it(was) blessed", and it was way better than Scarlett's turnip! We did dig up a small piece of dirt at the end of our trailor and planted some zucchini. Just in case you dont know: scientists do not know exactly how little dirt is needed to grow zucchini, it is possible that zucchini doesnt need anything but air and water, and maybe not even air! So we did have a fresh green vegetble in our diet. One. I dont mean just one Zucchini, I mean zucchini was our only vegetable. We had many, many zucchinis. Many. I dont think it is possible to grow ONE(1) zucchini.
SO our epic had no car chases or explsions, no real show stopper dance/chorus numbers, no ultra panaramic views with eye popping cinematography, but as I became a closet "bulk eater" there was definately lies, drama, and suspense. How would I find myself again, in a culture that not only "sees" no beauty in a obese woman, but knows it is a detriment to her health? I would hear, Please come to Boston for the spring time...And think if only I lived in a different situation, a different place, geographically then I could be "the happiest girl in the whole USA".
Actress gets in car, turns on radio and drives to the nearest McDonalds. the song comes on, "...you are so beautiful, to me, You are so beautiful, to me, cant you see...." Actress doesnt realize it is not meant to be Joe Cocker singing to his girlfriend, but is instead symbolic of Jesus singing to her................fade to black. 
Sequel begins with the song Bridge over troubled waters playing during title credits  and actress returning from the store with a can of slimfast........

Why the weight?

Wanting to lose weight is a simple concept. ~~~~ Wanting to eat is a simpler one.

"If you get your tonsils out - you get all the ice cream you want"

"The family is coming over what shall we eat?"

"Happy Birthday - here's some cake"

"If you really want to get to know the people in the church you hafta come to the potluck"

AND "while you're at the potluck you gotta have a taste of everything".

 

WAIT! I chose to eat, I put it in my mouth, and I ate because I liked food, and liked being full. No blame on anyone who has ever fed me. Nor anyone who brought food when someone died, or when I was sick, or when a baby was born, or to celebrate graduations and weddings, etc., I did this.


I was so angry at my husband. The consequences of his vice seemingly dissappeared as soon as he quit. Next day he woke up completely restored to health, and good looks. Me? I stop abusing food, and I wake up the next day . . . . . still fat. I pouted a few more pounds on. Just to teach him a lesson. What lesson? It was like the big bad wolf threatening the pig in the brick house to come out or the wolf would blow his own house down. (a pig that can build a brick house will NEVER fall for that one, in fact, it cracks them up!)


It's not that I haven't ever lost weight. I can do it. I lost weight before each class reunion and after each baby, but always gained it back plus 20lbs, everytime. Packaged food, all liquids, cabbage soup - all worked. Everytime I gained the weight back plus 20lbs. Everytime.


I am a believer. To me that means I believe in God, the one from the Bible. During my journey to lose weight as an adult - I really didnt seem to have much of a weight problem before I was an adult - actually, not much before I became a christian. Before I decided to live for Jesus I drank alcohol to excess and even smoked pot a bit. Alot. A whole lot. Had I never smoked pot I would never have realized that it is possible to eat the whole package of cookies. And that being full, can help you sleep.That is what pot does to your appetite.


The thing was when I was doing all that I was also a cheerleader - 60+ minutes of cardio two times a week; I also had advanced PE - cardio and weight training at least three times a week. I also was singing in the choir and participating in the musicals - hearing applause, which can also become addicting.


When I had a choice whether to be active or not I chose not. Pot will do that to your motivation. I remember going to an away High School sporting event after graduation. waiting in the hotel for the event to start we found ourselves staring at the carpet, completely bored. Then we remembered the joint we brought with us. Smoked it. Then we found ourselves staring at the carpet, only now we weren't bored.  That is what pot does to your motivation.


So fast forward to marriage. Intimacy. Insecurity. Shame. How can this appetite I abused in the backseat of a car ever be blessed by the God of holiness? But, somehow, the other appetite I abused was now the center of activity for "all God's children". Music, and food - nothing to feel guilty about the next day - no hangover, no munchies - no smoke affecting my lungs, ergo my voice. Ah, I have found my people. ( and the term ergo)


My Christian walk probably became confused from the moment I raised my hand and someone said  " I see-ah that hand-ah". I couldn't understand why when the ladies had an evening event there needed to be childcare provided, but when the men had an event - there didn't. So basically the men had two nights free from parenting and the women only had one. The women were also the ones in the nursery on sundays missing the refreshment of worship, and the nourishment of the word. Hmmm. Couldnt quite grasp that as "Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church" I think that's when I started to stop trusting.When I stopped trusting that God had my best interest at heart. What an ego, huh? To look up into the heavens and cry,"You call this fair"?


During the first years of being a parent, this frustration with what felt like an unequal balance ate me alive. So I ate back. Again no blame - it is just the way I reacted. And reacted. And reacted. And the more I ate the less attractive I felt and I stopped wanting to sing.


Then came the grand solution. I can sit behind a concert grand piano and all anyone would see would be my eyes. Like "WIlson", Tim "the toolman" Taylor's next door neighbor.(hi, Becky)


But hiding only works until about size 16. At that point, you can no longer just buy the "cute" clothes in a bigger size. Styles start to look more like maternity clothes, and even everyday jeans seem to give you the choice of fitting in the "seat" or the waist - never both.


During the 80s you had a small window of leggings and long, long sweaters which could look very similar on small women and bigger women alike, but then came the abuse of the legging. Women of great girth began testing the legging beyond the intended use, and with sweaters of inadequate length. It was tragic. The legging without a sweater of adequate length, is like looking at a bug under a microscope: it's okay if it's a pretty bug and there is no such thing as a "pretty" bug.........Like I said,  " hiding behind anything whether it is a long, long sweater or a grand piano", only works so long.


That inability to hide forever may quite possibly be the reason step one is admitting you can't hide anymore, the leggings have failed, the grand piano has failed and you have now become the "elephant in the room". Pun absolutely intended.


Just to clarify, God did not disqualify me because of my weight. He never intended that I would stop singing. I did that. I looked at myself with disgust, He looked at me with a broken heart. I took myself out of the game, He has pursued me to return to rejoicing in my heart, to worship. To fellowship. Which is why step two is believing God can restore me.


So why the weight? Because it has separated me from my hearts desire long enough. And by coincidence(lol), also put me on the high risk list for Cancer. I am determined to be off that list, and back on the worship team list, someday. One step at a time.  So if you ask why the weight, I ask why the wait? Today is the first day of the rest of my life right? yup. Yes it is!

Fall Happens - Spring Takes Faith

They can build breasts.

Not functional, feed a baby type breasts. But cleavage and bra filling breasts. I'm 50, and my hat is off to any 50 year old "functional, feed a baby type" breasts, but I don't need those. I certainly didnt want the "orange in the tube sock" type breast. (You can pretend like you don't know what I mean by that but you've seen them, we have all seen them.)

For me, I just like the symetry. You know there is an amazing engineering feat in a pair of breasts. When you remove one and wear a shirt even with a prosthetic the natural breast has a ebb and flow to it's "boyency" that the prosthetic can not duplicate so after a day of that asymetry, you can end up with a pocket up by your ear. Thats the rub. I used a prosthetic breast for four years before opting for reconstruction in 2005. I was told I was too fat to have the breast built from my abdomen and I would need to lose 100lbs before I would qualify for that surgery which included a tummy tuck. So they used flesh from my back instead. After four years I forgot about the drains and the pain of surgery. After six weeks that included drains an infection, and all the joys that taking pain meds and antibiotics reek upon your bowels. Finally I was symetrical, sort of. Yes they were relatively the same size but my original had a different drift. So I wore a bra a bit too tight to conceal this flaw.

The bra fit securely on the natural breast side, but would slip up into the divot left on my back where the new breast had once been. Not exactly symetrical.

And I can't close without mentioning that my nerves were all confused and I could touch my new breast in front and feel it on my back. Not exactly a party trick but I did think it was kinda cool that the mole that was once on my back was now on my front but when I touched it it still felt as if it were on my back.

So I will talk more about the second time around in the future, My surgery is coming up in December. The Dr is slightly obsessed with symetry so I am hoping he does his best work.