Tomatoes, Planes, and Empty Nests

Wow, I must apologize for such a long pause in the blogging business. I have very good reasons but, alas, remorse as well.

Just as summer came to the Northwest I broke my right ankle. I wish I could tell you That was the end of my adventures in the recliner but it wasn't.

Two weeks ago I finaly had a lump removed off of my left heel. No cancer. I was pretty sure there wasn't any cancer before because I remember stepping on a piece of glasss in 2010. The lump was likely my body trying to surround that piece of glass with scar tissue to make it easier to walk on, it didn't.

Recovery has been rough for a few reasons just one of them being that I am overweight withoutthe upper body strength to lift myself up from a sitting position to a standing position without the help of both legs. During recovery I can not put any of my weight on the left foot.

Walking is a big deal.

Amen? Yes, amen.

It never occured to me prior to surgery that I would need special support to get out of a chair, or use the restroom. I am so thankful for my devoted hubster who asked the right questions and within a few hours I had everything I needed. I am truly thankful.

During this time my garden hit harvest, thus the tomato aroma in my home, my son and daughter moved to Arizona, and my little dogs moved outside. There will be two more large changes in my future that the mere anticipation thereof has me up tomight.

My grandaughter will also be moving to Arizona. Andi was born just 30days before I was diagnosed with Breast cancer for the second time. As a chemo patient I can't tell you how amazing it was to hold her, kiss her little head and make her smile - it was life affirming love!

I got through treatment ~ she turned 1!

I got stronger and lost weight ~ she turned 2!

We all went through a family crisis ~ she turned 3!

Now, a new job, a new life, and she'll be so far away. Our friends may enjoy the break from weekly photo floods on facebook, but I will be trying to figure out how to take a screen shot of a skype conversation that made me cry. Because I will cry. I cried tonight.

God help me, I know there are people with problems that are real problems. I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, family and friends. I am not afraid of being cold this winter, or of losing my house or having my car reposessed.

I am afraid of this feeling of not knowing who I am if I am not my kids' mom, or Andi's grandma. And yes, I know I am still those things but without the duties of either it seems empty today.

I am afraid I am now going to spend the rest of my years paying for taking improper care of this vessel, and that the price will be discomfort, embarrassment and likely pain.

So tonight, as the house is filled with the pungent aroma of slow cooked homegrown tomatoes, I am up. Sharing my thoughts with you.

I thought about flight today, and how it's so different from jumping. No matter how long you are in the air, or from what you have been launched, jumping is not flying. And, . .

No matter how short of a flight, it is flying when it has all the components of flight. The Wright brothers first flight was merely seconds, but boy it was quite different from a jump, it changed the world.

When we recognize the components of flight, in the simplest terms, as lift and drag, we can see how a jump attempts to have those, but always obtains them separately. When one is launched it is lift, then when gravity takes over it is drag.

But flight, oh flight is something different. Flight maintains both lift and drag simultaneously. The combination of the two creates flight. Take one away midflight and you might maintain "air" for a certain amount of time but just as in a jump you will begin to fall. You are no longer flying you are falling. 

I am sure that I will discover more about flight as I ponder lift and drag but what I am seeing right now is: Both elements are needed to fly in this life. It is easy to think of things that can be analagous to drag: empty nesting, getting older, broken ankles, etc. Lift, I am not as sure, but admiting to my puny understanding I will say: worship, serving others, prayer, reading the bible, maybe even the smell of homegrown tomatoes becoming pasta sauce, and love.

Embrace the lift and drag of life with the right perspective and flight is achieved.

This I believe, thanks for reading, New Geri






 

Starting with a Protein Big Train

https://www.bigtrain.com/t-protein-mix-powder-fit-frappe.aspx

Put A Little Love In Your Heart

Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart

You see it's getting late
Oh please don't hesitate
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see

Another day goes by
And still the children cry
Put a little love in you heart
If you want the world to know
We won't let hatred grow
Put a little love in your heart

And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Wait and see

Take a good look around
And if you're lookin' down
Put a little love in your heart
I hope when you decide
Kindness will be your guide
Put a little love in your heart
And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see
Put a little love in your heart
Put a little love in your
Love in your heart

One of my little dogs is "special" we've always known that. She was born with only one eye but has some kind of tissue holding the place for the missing one and it looks weird. She has a few other quirks and we have gotten used to them.

Recently we have decided to empty our loft room (another story - that's kinda funny) Anyhoo we rearranged the furniture to take up half of the living room to make room for going through stuff from upstairs.


Background info sufficiently bored you?

Our other little dog, her brother, has always had trouble jumping - sometimes inbred pups have hip problems (we suspect he's his own grampa)  so to help him get up we have a little stool. The stool has been working out fine for a couple years. Oh, there has been a few times when our granddaughter has used the stool and left it too far from the chair and we find him sitting on the stool in the middle of the room just staring at the abyss mystified that he used to be able to jump to the chair from this very stool.


Now she is having trouble jumping up. But will not use the stool. WILL NOT USE THE STOOL. It is as if she can not see it. Or worse like it is the reason she cant jump! Aaaagh!

So while I am thinking of my fellow man, and how I can give him a helping hand, I must put a little love in my heart for this dog with special needs and figure out how to get her to use the stool.

And here it is folks! The reason these two seemingly disconnected topics connect.


Sometimes a helping hand is a gift. Just handing someone in need that which they need.


They are broke - you hand them cash.


They are hungry - you give them food.


They are lonely - you visit them.


Sometimes a helping hand is sharing a tool they need. But tools are only helpful when used, and used appropriately. So at that point you may need to invest in some time to teach them how to use that tool. I suppose, if you yourself are unable to teach "tool 101" you should direct your fellow man to where they can find someone who can. 


So while I am housebound - broken ankle, short story - I may just spend sometime teaching a special need doggy how to use a stool. You, on the other hand can choose to help your fellow man however you see fit. 


May God bless you in your endeavors!

Thanks for reading, New Geri

HARE AND NOO

 I enjoy speaking with different accents.

Even more than I like to read them. Writing them so people can read them is a gift. My attempt at 'here and now' for the title, is meant to be low scottish. Atleast in my head.

I remember watching a Dharma&Greg episode where Dharma used a german accent and went shopping at the mall. If it didn't feel like lieing I would probably have SO much fun doing that!

I had a part in 'OKLAHOMA' when the music department presented it in high School. After that I had a difficult time not slipping into a drawl when I spoke. If I got excited I would add the 'L' in talk and walk. We did 'My Fair Lady' the following year and I could even add a drawl to the cockney accent.  I would blame it on being born in Texas although that little fact had nothing to do with it. I learned to talk in the Pacific Northwest. As everyone here knows, we do not have an accent. ;)

I find it interesting that accents can say something about you. Much like the story line in My Fair Lady, how we talk affects how we are treated. Often how we behave as well.

I find that when I speak with a british accent ~ (which is actually a muddle of British - Irish - Scottish with a dash of foolish arrogance derived from American TV) ~ I automatically raise my chin a bit, and throw my shoulders back. No wonder they call it the Queen's english.

I am wondering about speaking more positively. I have thought about this before.

It isn't a new idea. I lived through a period of denying what I see with my eyes in order to bring about what I hoped for in my heart. I believe there is a balance in this but I could not seem to find it. When I denied I was sick, it then felt like lieing to ask for healing. When I miscarried I had no where to put the grief. The words of comfort from others: "It was just a bunch of tissue","you can have another one", sounded just like the words of an abortion counselor ~ it creeped me out a bit.


Words.

I do believe we must look for the bright side of things. I believe this deep inside my heart.

Can I find a new way to speak? Can I change my words? Day to day, I know it is possible. What if kindness was an accent? Think about it . . . if there was a country where the language used the same basic words as was familiar, but there was just an accent that "sounded" kind. Then I could just learn how they speak, sound the words out the way they do, mimic them. sigh.

That is probably why I love old movies. The language of the day was softer, more kind than our language is today.

Maybe, I mean manners.

Please, Thank you, You're welcome, Pardon me*; sweet sounding isn't it ?

I went to the funeral of a dear woman. It was exactly how I would want my services to be, and I said so to a fellow sarcasm artist who raised his eyebrows as if to say,"you?".

"Well, she was alot nicer than I am, but maybe I have time to . ." I tapered off. I am sure he has forgotten the moment - not me.

So, maybe I have time to change and maybe I don't but I have to try. So this is my plan:

~ Implement the use of 'mannerly' language. see above*

~ Put the feelings (& ears) of others first.

~ Hear (listen to, read) more kind words. (kind in = kind out)

~ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Phillipians 4:8,9

Killing Luigi

I am not a big "gamer".

I have not been very good at most video games.

I do remember an electronic football game coming out when I was in Junior college. It was handheld. It had these little red and blue lights that looked like dashes. The dashes were configured to represent offense and defense. I was pretty good at that by the male competitors I managed to SLAUGHTER! BWAHAHAHAHA!

But, alas, it wasn't Madden.

I remember playing Mario Bros/Duck hunt with my son when he was 3.

Three years old.

He couldn't tie his shoes yet.

He barely had the Velcro mastered.

I would sit down to play. Kill Luigi. He'd take a twenty minute turn. Then wake me up. I would take the controller. Kill Luigi. He'd yell, "Dad, mom's not playing right!"

I laugh now. But it hurt. So the first thing I tried was practicing when he wasn't around. Right, when is a three year old NOT around? And even when he wasn't around he could sense a disturbance in the force as soon as someone put the cartridge into the game console!

The next idea was to have another baby.Keep mama busy. It really was a great idea and it's worked out wonderfully, however, . . .it only kept me out of the game for so long. Then I learned: I needed to play games where I was playing against myself - like TETRIS.(WARNING I have long since suspected that the TETRIS music has some kind of hypnotic capabilities or that prolonged exposure could cause migraines) 

Competing against myself, I could go for a high score instead of beating an opponent. Okay, I really don't know what difference that makes but I just don't do well with head to head competition. I wish that wasn't true. I judge it in myself as immaturity and have often hoped I would just grow up someday.

I still do.

 Growing up requires a sort of unpacking at each level. I use the word level because it segways from video games nicely. It is not used as a higher-lower comparison as in: I am smarter, more spiritual or farther along than anyone.

I don't want to be too philosophical but sometimes material things hold you back and you have to let them go to move forward.

One time I had to sell my piano in order to have the full down payment on our next home. We were going to move one way or another but if I hadn't sold my piano - we would have been terribly crowded in the RV and deeper in debt. So to move forward "with peace" we had to let go of the piano.

Other times it's people.

******Reserve the right to refuse service to ANYONE******

I made vows to love ONE person for better or worse and it takes up most of my time energy and patience to keep THAT one set of vows. I didn't make a vow to the person  who antagonizes me into debates on truth and mysticism and whether or not eating meat is murder. UGH!

We both know we DO NOT AGREE on these points but that is ALL they want to talk about so . . .

Seriously, I wish I could calmly debate and argue using scripture without my blood pressure getting whacked out, and supplying extra oxygen to the part of my brain that creates sarcastic remarks and cutting retorts. I dislike myself when I get like that.

It's like the incredible hulk - "I won't like me when I'm angry" or frustrated or sarcastic and bitter - Hey feel free to stop me!

If they need me I'll be here. If they call I'll answer the phone.

But I can't engage anymore.

Right now.

Then there are the people who break my heart. The ones that are walking into a burning house - and I can't stop them. I want so to convince them going in is a bad idea but I know anything I say will offend.

I will be here with burn salve. I will help rebuild the house.

But I can't watch it burn.

It seems at each area of growth in my life, I have had to leave friends behind in order to go to the next area. It isn't always the kind of leaving behind that is permanent. For example when many of my high school friends went away to college I made new friends and didn't keep in close contact with the high school gang as much. But when we all started getting married and having babies I was getting calls for showers, and parties, and asked to sing at a fair amount of weddings. Friendships were re-kindled and maintained.

Obviously, those are the happy endings.

I expect there are other un-friendings that will be permanent. I can't imagine not being a little sad about that.

So tonight I am inspired because I un-friended someone on FB. And it feels great!!!

Maybe I could fast and pray because, "this kind only comes out after much prayer and fasting" . It's not like that is impossible - I know we have people in our paths that drive us to our knees.

ALL I AM SURE OF is that I felt a peace today that I have not felt for a long time.

To help emphasize the point I am trying to make I want to share the following encouragement:

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS:

  Stay focused, and refuse to be scattered through trying to take on more than you can effectively handle. Take the time necessary to establish yourself in peace and tranquility so that the enemy cannot find an inroad. Confusion and chaos are the devil's playground, but I have given you the peace that surpasses all natural understanding. Settle down in the emotional and mental stability that I have provided, says the Lord.
Philippians 4:7b  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Romans 12: 18  Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

As my friend (and Pastor) Brian, says,

"Peace"

VACATION

THE PLANE

Being over-weight causes many extra stresses when traveling. The aisles on a plane are small, narrow, and often crowded. If you are pulling a carry-on bag you must contort yourself into strange configurations in order to keep the wheels rolling smoothly. Then you must contort again to lift this bag above the heads of strangers (praying you do not drop it) into a luggage bin made for wallets not suitcases. Then once you have your bag hammered into place, you must crawl over someone to get to your seat either the center or the window - but most of the time the center. (I usually feel a bit like I committed adultery once seated)

The center is where you end up most of the time when you are overweight because this is where you will cause the most distress in the other passengers. The window passenger undoubtedly the bone thin vegetarian who hates sitting still for longer than 10 minutes at a time because it will alter their metabolism - will silently re-absorb any biological fluids because they know how futile it will be to ask the overweight person to move, causing the aisle person to move, clogging the beverage cart runway, just so they can get up to use the restroom. Both aisle passenger and window passenger refuse liquids to protect themselves from having to disturb the overweight passenger.

I hate having to ask for the extender for my seat belt. But I would die if they just handed it to me. That has never happened, thank God for that! The last time I flew, I just asked for it as discreetly as possible and went about my business like it didn't hurt my pride just shy of bleeding. This time after dropping 70lbs, I wasn't sure if I needed the extension or not.

Getting ready for the airport and for the trip itself has several considerations. Comfortable shoes, seasonally appropriate clothing, boredom prevention, make up, hair, liquid intake monitoring. Then all those considerations are modified in accordance with the TSA regulations to avoid embarrassment at the security check points. This was my first time through the X-ray. My new electronics earned me a personal encounter with a TSA agent. Sheesh. Live and learn - the agent told me how to avoid intimacy the next trip. Hey they are just doing their job, and I am glad they are - but sheesh.

While we were waiting at the gate they made an announcement that there were a few seats in first class available if any one in economy wanted to upgrade. by the time hubby got through the line there was only one seat left so he upgraded my ticket to first class. (Awwww) When I boarded and got in my seat I thought I wonder if the seat belts are different in first class - I tried to fasten it and I was able to just get it connected - but I was pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy the ride. So I asked for the extender. But I was happy to realize I only needed less than 2 inches to give me the comfort I needed. This maybe a small victory but I was excited.

I spent most of the vacation reading during the day, and going out for dinner with my hubby in the evening. The dinners were not lite, or fat free, or even small portions. However, they were delicious and having time with my sweetheart was wonderful.

We had a couple of busy days that included some walking - not much - but enough to make my feet swell and hurt. But mostly the vacation was rest and relaxation for me.

We had a bit of misadventure on the way home. Our flight was cancelled and we had to rebook another flight home. Barely making it on the last flight that day escaping the dreaded sleepover to fly out the next day. But, it was still 8hours in an airport where most of the seating outside the gate were either in restaurants or in front of slot machines. AAGH!

When we finally got aboard the plane, no first class this time, coach. Very coach. I mean there was nothing more "coach" on the plane! We were in seats so coach, they wouldn't lean back! Serving trays locked and seats in the upright position for 2 hours. But of course the row in front of us could put their seats back.

Yeah, you betcha.

But the real question was, "do I need the extender?" I was in the aisle seat - utopia for the overweight and tall people - I reached down to pull the right side of the seat belt up - carefully sliding my left hand down to gather the other end of the seat belt making a point of not obtaining carnal knowledge of the passenger in the center seat next to me. I pull the two pieces together and - VOILA!!!! Snap! together no need for the extender!!!

I don't know as of yet if I gained weight on this vacation, I may have. But what I do know is I did not need the extender on the way home. That means I have changed. I am a new Geri. And I am proud to celebrate changes - no matter how small!

UPDATE: I am excited to report that the scales did not change while I was on vacation enjoying myself. I wegh just what I weighed before I left! Yahoo!!!!

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

I went to a facebook wall titled depression and the feeling of depression overwhelmed me. It reminds me of Philippians 4:8. "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise". 

It also reminded me of Proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he"  

I wonder if depression begets depression? And likewise if thinking about things which are excellent begets happiness? 

During the journey of cancer a patients thoughts can be friends or foes. And the decision is our own and must be made each day which of the two our thoughts become. And I know that even non-cancer journeys prove that this is true. Our thoughts are in so many ways: who we are, who we become, and to what our environment responds.

I am trying to allow God to take my weak mind, and my stubborn will and convert them to someone who is strong and teachable, yet not tossed "to and fro" by every wind of doctrine. (I said, "I am trying".)

I find myself over and over saying, "I don't know anything, and I never did".

I am a grandmother now. Going on three years. I love being "Gigi". That's what my qualifier calls me. My granddaughter, Andi. This picture was her first time out with a spoon - over two years ago. "Do it myself" written all over her face. See it there under the bananas?  

Because of the movie GIGI I was named Geri G. Gilstrap. Because of my initials, GG, my friends called me "Gigi". (That was over two years ago, too.)
I guess somewhere around adolescence I went by mainly Geri, but that really wasn't because of any request from me, it just happened. Oh, Mom hung in there, and most of my siblings, but friends and a special cousin put in the effort to call me the much more mature "Geri". Think of it as the people who started calling Cassius Clay by his new name: Muhammad Ali. (Except there was no religious event as a precursor to the change.)


What's the connection between depression - our names - and our thought life? Simple: Who we are, who we think we are, & what we call ourselves all can contribute to who we become. This isn't an idea I came up with, so don't throw me out with the bath water! Or maybe I am the bath water . . .


If you read through the Bible you will see several times when names are changed when God does a work in a life.


Abram became Abraham. That changed his name from great father to father of many nations. So every time he heard his new name he was reminded of God's promise that his descendants would out number the stars.


Jacob becomes Israel. Jacob means supplanter because he grabbed Esau's ankle and made his way out of the womb first. Israel means prince with God,or power with God meaning he prevailed - not a real big difference between supplanting and prevailing but a big difference when it's with GOD.

So I am seeing, depression, or more personal: depressed, as a name. (Maybe a "label" is easier to understand, but for the sake of the bible references let's go with name.). If your name has been Depressed, what would be a more excellent name? A more honorable, more lovely and admirable name?

Encourager.  Fighter.

Scholar.  Praise - er.

Hope-er. Blessed. 

And one of my favorites, Believer. 

Post a new name in comments.

Thanks for reading,

                      New Geri

Juice

Hubby received a juice extractor for his birthday. So.....

First I got a whole lot of fresh vegetables. While I was at the store I was taking note of all the great juice options there are today, and wrote down the price of the healthier ones. Also, the cost of the fruits and vegetables that looked the best.

ThenI got overwhelmed looking at the full fridge, wondering how to make juice we would like the first time we tried it so I wouldn't be wasting anything because of some strange combination I thought would be delicious. After reading a friends post on facebook about juicing, with a link to Amazon.com and books on juicing I went click click click and I bought a kindle book on juicing.

Then after I read the book on juicing, I wondered why the author hadn't mentioned anything about the leftover pulp. Previously, I thought I could use it in recipes but there was no mention of it - so I went online to find out ideas on how to use the pulp.

The first things I saw suggested for using pulp had to do with pet treats and composting piles - NOT exactly what I was thinking. But as I read further there were ideas for using the pulp in recipes. Actually one of the uses was to add the pulp to the juice - just not all of it - to boost the fiber content. Another one was to add it to smoothies, again to boost the fiber content.

One of my main concerns was whether I needed to cook the pulp prior to adding it to baking recipes - what was suggested was just to add the pulp as is into the recipe, however, I would suggest just being careful to NOT allow large pieces of vegetables such as carrots to make it into the quick baking recipes(30min or less). They just won't get soft enough in short periods of time.

THE JUICER

I took it out of the box today. Yes it was his present. But HIS birthday was 3/31. It was time to let it out of the box. IT WAS TIME.

I prepared the 6 carrots and 1 apple and began to "fiddle" with the machine. After a little carrot stub popped up and hit me in the shoulder, I decided to read the manual. No it is not just men who read the manual as a last resort. I enjoy trying to figure things out but not getting hit with vegetables - it goes against my stage training.

I successfully made a cup of juice. And that little sip tasted wonderful. I decided I would save the juice for hubby WHO I expected to be home in just a few minutes - and use the pulp to make scones!

But when I went into the fridge a few minutes later the juice was starting to settle - so I decided I would use the juice as the liquid, instead of water, in the scone recipe.
So that was my juicer adventure and here is the recipe for my carrot scones.

CARROT SCONES

Cut strips of parchment paper
Juice approx. 6 carrots and 1 apple

Preheat oven to 375

1 box spice cake mix
2 cups baking mix
1 cup juice from juice extractor ( approx. 6 carrots, 1 apple)
1/2 cup of pulp from juice extractor

Put dry ingredients in large bowl.
Add liquid and pulp.
Fold mixture until all dry ingredients are moistened.

REGULAR SCONE SHAPE
Form two balls of dough. Place each ball on parchment and cut into eighths with wet knife. Brush with cream or milk.

MUFFIN SHAPE
Place strips of parchment in each muffin cup. Scoop 1/2 cup of dough over parchment strip in muffin cup. Smooth tops of scones with cream or milk.

Bake 25 minutes at 375

OPTION
While scones are hot spread with cream cheese frosting. Let cool.

Thanks for reading, New Geri